Before
by oldschool-ladyrocket
Summary: [GSR. Nick’s Angst]... There's something in Nick's head, some memorys from old good days... Old good days, 'cause he was before than her.


**Rating:** PG-16 for slash feelings and demonstration. First time soft memory.  
**Disclaimer:** Nothing in here is mine... Well, maybethe memories... But even, I'm not planning make money.  
**To:** ... Well, to _Sara_, uhuh, I mean Lau_. Lizzie, _uhuh again, I mean Tina... And to LittleByrd (who's not gonna read this ¬¬).  
_**A/N1:** __English isn't my mamma's talking, but I like it and I use it… I have a new betareader this time: Lau... And she's doing such a nice work for me...  
**A/N2:** Is a challenge from my friend Andry. The song "Through with you" from Maroon 5 give me a good hand, I've listened while I was writing and this came up…

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_

_**BEFORE**_

_"You ain't ever coming back to me  
That's not how things were supposed to be  
You take my hand just to give it back  
No other lover has ever done that  
Do you remember  
The way we used to melt  
Do you remember how it felt  
When I touched you  
Oh cause I remember very well"  
__-Maroon 5, Through With You._

**Summer, hot summer. Las Vegas. The false neon lights were showing the lack of difference between day and night. And his tired face was showing the excess of work, of crime…  
With a thousand cavitations, Nicks Stokes was coming back to the Lab. After closing one bloody, literally bloody, crime scene and handing it over to Greg. That night, he had just decided, he loved Greggo.  
So there he was, hungry and sleepy… And moody. No, not moody, he was surely in a bad mood. Walking like that, strongly, he went to the locker room.  
He stopped there, shocked by what was going on. He went pale all at once when he saw that. That. That was… That wasn't just an expression of partner's love. Without a doubt that was… more. There she was, Sara Sidle kissing, hardly kissing, Gil Grissom. (Nick had decided to see it like that, not like Grissom was kissing Sara. More like Sara was kissing Grissom)  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" before ending his own sentence, Nick turned and went away.  
After all, he had the keys of his Tahoe in his jacket and right now the only thing he really needed was to drive along and far from the lab. From what he had just seen.  
Nick felt totally numb.  
"Why?" his mind kept saying. "Why?"  
He was trying to understand if he had gotten the wrong signals or something. But no. It couldn't be possible. The evidence was there.  
"****_Follow what cannot lie"  
_"Oh, my Gosh, that man lives in my head!" Nick's mind screamed.  
"_Only in your head?" _a voice to similar to Grissom's asked.  
"Fuck" Nick mumbled. And the red light turned to green, so he kept on driving. Away.**

**He remembered. Like everything that had something to do with that man. But he had a special place for the first time.  
He remembered entering to his office, after Brass' indication. He remembered having seen those blue eyes sparkle. He remembered the smile…  
That was his favorite memory.  
"_Is It, Nicky?"_ even coming from his own head, that voice made Nick's spine tremble.  
And he remembered again. Also from those days. Those days without Sara.**

(Flashback)  
"Nick, you have … Nick? Nick?... Nicky?"  
"What did you said?" a voice came from the other side of the lab.  
"I was calling you"  
"Yeah, uhm, sorry" Nicky showed Grissom his headphones. "But what were the last..."  
"You shouldn't were those in the lab" Grissom warned  
"Yes, again sorry. It won't happen again" Nick tried to smile "You called me…"  
"Better" Grissom nodded "Doc Robbins is looking for you"  
Grissom started to leave after that. Suddenly, he turned at Nick who was coming to the door too and said in a tone a quarter low than usual:  
"_Nicky_. I called you _Nicky_." Then his voice became normal again "If you don't like it…"  
"No, no. I, uhm, I really like it" Nick grinned silly and went to the morgue.  
(End Flashback)

**Nick smiled. The voice that Grissom used that day. In that moment. That middle tone, that darkness in his eyes… He had dreamed about that look and that voice saying to him… just saying his name over, and over, and over…  
****"_Nicky. Nicky. Nicky. Nicky…"  
_****  
He took the first turn back to the city centre. He needed to see him. He wasn't sure why, but it wasn't a normal need, not like those ones he had at nights, not like those ones during a crime-scene. It was more than a need, to be honest.  
****While he was driving back to the Crime Lab he remembered something. Something that still appeared in his dreams, in his fantasies.  
****It had been a few years ago. It was middle June. And Nick had always liked June. It was a good month. In Las Vegas, the heat was (normally) controlled in that time of the year, so work usually wasn't that hard. Outside work, he mended. But that afternoon all his theories about June's heat had gone down The Great Cañon. It was hot, too damn hot, and they were working in a crime scene in the desert field from Nevada.**

(Flashback)  
"Okeey… we're loosing too much valuable time in here!" Grissom's voice filled the spaces of silence between the three occupied CSIs  
"Catherine I want you back in the Lab with the samples we already took" Grissom stopped to see Catherine nodding "Warrick, give her a hand, and be available to Brass' call"  
"Sure thing, boss" was Warrick's affirmation  
"Nick, you and me are going to finish this scene before midnight"  
"Well, there's a challenge" Catherine said in a funny tone "Have a nice time, you boys"  
"Thank you. We will" Nick answered, with a mocking tone.  
So there they were, alone. In the middle of nowhere, literally. And with too much heat.  
"_More heat" Nick thought "Just what I needed"  
_The first… hours? minutes? moments?... Nick couldnt' tell how much time they'd spent in silence.  
Until he looked up and, to his own surprise, he didn't see Grissom anywhere.  
"Griss?" he said, a bit louder that usual  
No one answered  
"Griss!... Grissom?" he screamed a bit this time  
Nothing, again.  
"Were the fuck are you, Gil Grissom?"  
"You know, _Nicky_, it isn't really nice to hear you calling me with my given name for the first time since we've met, just after cursing" a voice protested behind him.  
"Uh, uh… Wait, where were you?" Nick decided to omit his comment and concentrate in what he was interested.  
"Looking around"  
"You're kidding me, Griss? Have you seen all the evidence we still have to process and you were just _looking around?_"  
"We have to meet the perimeter"  
"Sure we do. While we're looking for evidence"  
"You're giving me a reprimand?" Grissom's eyebrow lifted up and his mouth repressed a smile.  
"Well… yes, yes I'm doing that" Nick answered, his arms crossed over his chest and a feeling of placer for Grissom's look.  
"That's… interesting"  
"Yeah, sure, maybe. The point his…" Nick didn't have a point. And if he had it he wouldn't have the air to tell it, because Grissom was suddenly too near.  
But too near. Really near. He could count Grissom's breaths. He could get lost in the deep of his eyes. He could…  
"_...kiss him, stupid"_ his own mind ordered. And for the first time he listened to his mind, for the first time in any issue related to Grissom, actually.  
So he did it. All of sudden, he kissed him.  
He, Nick Stokes, kissed him, Gil Grissom.  
And the best part was: Gil Grissom was answering to his kiss.  
Equal passion. Equal feeling.  
(End flashback)

**Nick felt himself flush all over his body. The bad part was the end of what could have been a great dream. A phone call. Brass needing both of them in the lab. And from the moment they broke apart that wasn't ever mentioned. Nick thought it was the end. The finito. The bye-bye.  
****But, again, he was wrong.  
****Not even a month after the events in the desert something else had happened.**

(Flashback)  
"How long you have in here?" his voice was feeling-less  
"Not much"  
"I know when you lie, _Nicky_"  
He sighed  
"Hours. Two, three, four… I'm not sure" he turned to see Grissom standing in the doorway "And I haven't found anything"  
"Why is this case so special?"  
"It's not special, Grissom"  
"What did I say a moment ago?"  
Again, Nick sighed  
"It's an abuse case, Grissom" he was mad. To everything and everyone.  
"You're…"  
"Don't. Just don't. Spear the cheap and hypocrite speech about what we can do and when we can't do anything else…"  
"Fine. Then you have 3 minutes to get yourself out of this lab"  
"What!"  
"You are getting too personal in this one, Nick. Go home"  
"No way, I'm not leaving…"  
"Is not a suggestion. Is an order" Grissom disappeared after that.

He went home. After a long shower he didn't want to kill Grissom anymore, now he just hated him.  
Then someone knocked in the door. When Nick pretended not to hear it, the knock got higher.  
"Coooming" he ended up saying.  
"Take your time, I'd wait" a strong voice said in the other side.  
Nick stopped on his way to the door; with lack of hair and believing he was daydreaming again.  
"Grissom?" he asked, after catching his breath.  
"Yes"  
Then he opened the door.  
"What are you…" Grissom kissed him. Mouth opened. Strong. Hard.  
There was a moment for Nick to react and started kissing him back.  
"We caught him. Good work" Grissom whispered.  
"Thank you" this time Nick's mouth involved Grissom's.  
(End flashback)

**Nick entered the Lab, breathing slowly, trying to calm himself. Erasing all memories of that night from his head.  
****He went straight to Grissom's office; he knocked and waited for the _magic words.  
_****"Come in"  
****"Hey…" was all that Nick said until he closed the door.  
****"****_Nicky…"  
_"Yes, well. I've... I… I saw you. _Both_. Kissing"  
****"I know"  
****"Since, uhm, since when do you, uhm… kiss Sara?"  
****"_Nicky_…"  
****"Just answer, ok? This is hard enough, don't make it painful too"  
****"A month ago"  
****"A month…" Nick swallowed hard. "A month…"  
****"_You slept with him over two years ago. You can't be jealous. You shouldn't be. You two never talked about that. Now it's Sara. She came a year ago. She is here now. Not you" _while his mind was talking, the room remained in silence.  
****"Is there something wrong, _Nicky_?"  
"You know what, _Gil_?" he emphasized his given name. "Before Sara, it was me, remember?"  
****This time Grissom swallowed hard. Of course he remembered. But Sara. Sara was… Sara.  
****Nick turned around to get himself out of there.  
****"Something else, Griss…" back to formalities  
****Grissom didn't say a word, he just waited for Nick to finish.  
****"From now on, don't call me _Nicky_" a sad look was in those moron eyes as he went out.  
****And Grissom never called him _Nicky_ again.**

"_Can you see me  
Floating above your head  
As you lay in bed  
Thinking about everything  
That you did not do"

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... So what are jus thinking rigth now?... Tell me, please...  
(Came on, you know you want it... Leave a Review... :p )


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